"aaaaaaahhhhhh"

"Aaaaahhhhh" ...Soooo the past 2 days have been really bad.
I can't stop eating & smoking..2 bad ass habits I need to break, but I'll stop smoking next week because I need to take those damn hormones to have a "cycle."
I can't be one of those "normal" phat women who have there periods..oh noooo..not me!!
I have to be FAT, no period, and have enough testosterone in my body for 500 German men!
Thank God for laser or I would really be screwed with my pants on..I still need to get more laser done, I just need to get off my ass and do it and trust me, it's not the most pleasant feeling in the world to have the first 2 top layers of your skin burnt of either..the pain of beauty I guess.
Oh, and about the guy I have the crush on, completely ignoring me..but what else if fucking new??!!
I just don't understand..why can't I stop the fucking eating??? It's driving me CRAZZZYYY!!
I'll weigh myself tomorrow and see what happens next.
Damnit!!!